Tender Mercies

An excerpt from my experience with postpartum 'depression.'

A couple of years ago, after I had my baby, I was beset upon by an evil that I had not experienced before or since. Sometimes we hit rock bottom, we are at a lower than low point and we can't seem to shake it off. 

I learned later that all your "feel good" hormones are housed in the placenta, and when your body does not go into labor naturally, those hormones are literally torn out of your system and some people are left defenseless.

I had heard about postpartum depression. I knew it was a real thing, but I had never experienced it to this extent.

My shields were literally down. I was in a very dark place. I was having some very dark, horrible thoughts about injuring others, people in my family. . I was terribly claustrophobic and a hundred other things.

I prayed and cried and fought and fought and FOUGHT.

Heavenly Father sent me scripture after scripture that seemed as if it were sent directly to me. It was amazing.

But I was still in extreme distress.

At one point, the thought crossed my mind, "Well, maybe I'd better just do those horrible things that I've been thinking of. I guess I'd just better succumb to the incredible evil that now surrounds me. Maybe then these darker than dark thoughts, this vicious attack, would subside."

WRONG. Satan wants us to think that if we have thoughts that maybe we shouldn't have, inclinations, tendencies, WEAKNESSES, temptations, that we should just give in to them.

NO. We were sent here to FIGHT and we were sent here to WIN. Our Savior fought for us with all the love that he had in his being. He gave his LIFE. FOR. US. And he WON, because he is Jesus Christ

Thanks to him, we. can. fight. back. Whatever situation we are in, we can say NO. We can fight the evil and CHOOSE THE RIGHT! The Savior picks up the rest.

Many today suggest that evil is good and good is evil. But we don't have to allow ourselves to be deceived. We are smarter than that.

So one Thursday morning, in the midst of this onslaught, I knew I had to do something right then, or just literally fall down dead.

I told myself, "That's it." And I drove to the doctor's office.

The doctor that I saw, beautiful angel that she is, told me: "It's not YOU. It's the hormones." And she sent me up to the hospital with a prescription/recommendation for Zoloft.

That doctor was a savior to me, as was the beautiful medication she prescribed. I will be forever grateful to her for her advice, her kind words, her insight, her professionalism.

After a day of tests and diagnoses, I was finally given the medicine that I needed and eventually, within a relatively short period of time, was able to fully recover. I was able to feel hope again, to make friends there at the psych unit, to better understand the ravages of mental illness, to feel the compassion of the Savior for those who are truly in need of His Atonement.

To be clear, this includes all of us.

The thing we need to understand about Satan, besides the fact that he is REAL, is that he will. not. hesitate. to beat us down. And he does it when we are at our lowest, weakest point. He DOES NOT love us. His intent is to destroy.

He will attack us with shafts in the whirlwind, with incredible violence, just as it says in the scriptures when we are all but defenseless.

But we are NOT defenseless.

We have an army of angels fighting for us. We have our Heavenly Father and we have our Savior. We have the gift of the Holy Spirit. We have the scriptures. We have a living prophet.

There is comfort and there is hope.

We were sent here to Earth, the strongest of our Father's children, saved for this time, saved for the final battle. We can and will fight, and we will win. But it IS a fight and we have to arm ourselves, as cliché as it may seem, with the armor of righteousness, with the armor of God.

Despite our weaknesses and the struggles and challenges of this life, we DO NOT have to succumb to the suggestions of the devil.

We, together, are stronger than that. 💓